Remembering
by AubsyBaubsy
Summary: Billy has a nightmare, which causes him to wake up and remember Penny. Rated T for angst/ just in case


Billy woke up with a gasp in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He glanced over at his alarm clock which read out "2:37 A.M." He was actually suprised he had made it that far into sleep. 2 whole hours. This was only the second time this month he had tried sleeping, he had been mostly relying on coffee and Mountain Dew this month. The first time he had tried to sleep was a few weeks ago. He couldn't remember anything of the nightmare other than a quick glance of red hair, coated with blood. That was enough to make him shiver each time he thought about it. He knew exactly who that hair had belonged to. This night was no exception for the nightmares, but now he could remember it perfectly. He was forced to relive her death. He was forced to go through all of that pain and suffering and silent heart brokenness again. He needed to get his mind off of... Off of... He couldn't even bring himself to think the name. So instead, he decided to look around his room.

The rooms that the ELE give you are very small. He can see his kitchen from his bed. His kitchen. Focus on the kitchen. There's the dishes piling up from his lack of effort for simple chores. He makes a mental note to take care of that soon. He sees an empty water bottle out. Water. He'd started drinking water after, well, after "the incident". Because every time that he looked at milk, he thought of frozen yogurt. And when he thought of frozen yogurt, he thought of the beautiful girl he has bought it for a while later when he was trying to impress her. That beautiful, beautiful, girl. That beautiful dead girl. Woah! Let's look at something else!

How about that laundry in the corner? The huge pile of laundry piling up. The ELE didn't have any washing machines inside the building, which was stupid, and there was only one laundromat in town. He'd been to that laundromat many times. He had gone there to find that very beautiful, kind girl. That kind girl who he had finally gotten even a tiny bit close to. That kind girl who he had almost kissed. If only he hasn't been so shy! He could have reached his head over just a bit, and she would have fallen in love with him immediately! He sighed. He knew that wasn't true. It probably would have been much worse, she would have never talked to him again. Although, she hadn't talked to him again until she was on her death bed. When she was dying, she seemed so serene, as if she had forgotten how selfish Billy had been by never telling her of his alter ego. When she was dying, she... No! Let's look at something else.

What about that pile of change in your dresser drawer you had opened when you were paying for the delivery pizza and had run out of change to pay him with, so you ran into here and grabbed a handful of change, forgetting to close the drawer? That pile of change was made of only one coin, and was shut away in that drawer for a reason. He hadn't even wanted to look at them. They were all... They were all... All.. Oh come on! You're going to have to say that word someday soon! Fine! Pennies! Penny!Penny. Penny...He had shut them away because they, like the milk and the laundromat had reminded him of Penny! Practically everything reminded him of Penny! Okay, there has to be one thing in this room that you won't mentally break down looking at! But the only thing he saw was one thing that could practically bring him to tears, and break him completely. He saw the letters.

He might have not told many people, well, the only person that knew was Moist, but he wrote letters to Penny. It was the first day he had seen her at the laundromat. He felt almost like a pull towards this beautiful girl, and he didn't know what to do about it. He had learned her name, thanks to the Internet, and a few things about her too. Like the fact that she gave most of her time for charities, and shelters, and things like that. He was pretty sure that he liked this "Penny" and he was always told that the best way to get rid of emotional buildup is by writing. So he did. He wrote about how he felt about her, what had happened to him that day, questions for her, and lots of other stuff too. He wrote her a letter every single day. He wrote every single day for 3 and a half years. There were 1,289 letters in that pile over there. The letters had stopped after "the incident". He couldn't bring himself to write one again. He decided that now, at about 3 in the morning, was as good a time as ever. He picked up a pen from the desk, and sat down at his kitchen table. He started to write:

"Dear Penny,

I am so sorry. I never meant for you to"

*He struggled for the right word there, he finally decided on "pass on."*

"I never meant for you to pass on. I promise you that it is the last thing I wanted. The thing I wanted the most is to tell you something. Penny,I really, truly, lov"

*and that was about as far as he could get until the tears streaming down his cheeks had run down to the paper, smearing the ink. He gave up on writing again and hurled the pen across the room. There was no way for Penny to know how he felt. What would she say even if he told her? She was in love with Captain Hammer. The idiot who was now in hiding after breaking down completely at the first pain he had ever experienced in his life. He's not there for the city, and he hadn't been there for Penny. What good was he?! Billy needed to think of something else. Lines from his entrance song for the league started racing through his head.

"Now the nightmare's real"

But for who? Sure it was bad for the city, because evil was rampaging through the streets, with no hero to stop them, but they most likely weren't all experiencing the pain that Billy felt now. Penny had been his one love in this world. He hasn't felt so strongly about anything before. And then she had been ripped right from him. And that wasn't the worst part. It was all his fault. He had made the ray that killed her. He had ignored the possibility that the gun had of malfunctioning before using it. And he had definitely paid the price.

"And I won't feel a thing"

He was such a liar. He felt so much right now. None of them were good.

Sadness. Melancholiness. Loneliness. Heart brokenness. Loveless. Remorse. Morning. Self-hatred for what he had done to his brilliant Penny. But she wasn't his. She wasn't and he knew in his heart that she never would be. He got up from the table and trudged back to his bed. He fell into it, knowing that all of his dreams would be nightmares about Penny. But that was okay. It was the only time that he could see her clearly now, no matter how much pain it causes him.


End file.
